Millennials make up a burnt-out generation that’s accustomed to hiding behind screens. As such, we’re tired, anxious, and constantly comparing our bodies and wallets to those of “influencers.” The speed of our thoughts makes Usain Bolt look slow, and all of this has absolutely trickled down to how we approach to our sex and dating lives.
When it comes to, ahem, “relations,” Gen-Y and Z live (miserably!) in a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am culture; and even if you’ve figured out how to navigate the exhausting emotional side effects and social dynamics of sex, the act itself presents all sorts of hurdles. We’re so disconnected from ourselves and each other, and while we’re good at getting it on, we’re terrible at actually getting off.
Did you know the most powerful sexual organ in the body is the brain? Yep! Forget about having the juiciest peach or thickest summer squash on the farm, so to speak. Our minds are the biggest aphrodisiacs, and pleasure transcends what’s physically happening between our legs. Knowing this, it’s clear that the best way to facilitate intimacy is by simply making enough space in your mind for another person. The easiest way? With some of that elevated greenery, if you will.
“Hold up,” you say. “Using the devil’s lettuce to clear out my head sounds about as logical as Anna Nicole Smith and J. Howard Marshall’s wedding.”
I thought so too, until doing some serious experimentation with products from Blüm dispensaries. With specific products custom-tailored to the different stages of love-making — from beginning to climax — the possibilities of a higher state of pleasure are an endless wave of satisfaction.
FOREPLAY, MORE PLAY
Let’s look at indica strains, for example, which have always gotten a bad reputation for leaving their consumers horizontal and brain-dead for hours. Isn’t that the goal here? Out of your head and into the bed, I say! The act of sharing a fatty with someone naturally leads to eye contact, hand grazing, all that nostalgically erotic middle school stuff. I love rolling one with Canndescent’s “Cruise” flower, which is wildly euphoric and kind of like foreplay in and of itself. Seriously — one finger feels like ten. I’ll leave it at that.
You could also take it one step further with Humboldt Apothecary’s Love Potion #7. The elixir contains naturally warming herbs cacao, cardamom, cinnamon, and vanilla, ancient aphrodisiac damiana, and kava kava — known amongst herbalists and bougie hippies as nature’s Xanax — all alongside a solid 8.4mg of THC per dose.
The best part? It can be drunk OR rubbed onto your and your partner’s private parts. Fair warning— this stuff tastes a bit, erm, musty, but perhaps those underlying notes of mothball will lead to illicit fantasies about doing the deed in the attic of your childhood home or something. Hot! If nothing else, the shared experience of consuming a “love potion” spices things up. I can also confirm this successfully heated my nether regions all the way up to rival the temps in said hypothetical musty attic.
THE MAIN EVENT
Nice and relaxed? Great — let’s get moving! All this sensitivity and closeness will likely lead to a gym-worthy ‘sweat sesh’ and take a toll on your body. Everybody complains about ugly “big O” faces, but have you ever seen a muscle cramp face? Way worse; a buzzkill for the AGES.
Papa & Barkley’s Releaf transdermal patches keep bodies agile and the mood red hot — or cold, actually. A base of menthol and camphor mixed with a variety of CBD/THC ratios literally sends shivers up and down your spine; a double whammy of pleasure, since looser limbs means lasting longer, too. The only downside is that if you put one inside your wrist or on the back of your neck, as the packaging suggests, you’re going to look like a sex-crazed drug addict in the 60s.
(Not so bad, on second thought.)
THE COME DOWN IS AS GOOD AS THE COME UP
All good things must come to an end, though, and sex is no exception. Post-coitus is the perfect time to introduce Sativas — the brain needs to be fiery again to keep the dream alive. Indulge in some strawberry shortcake marshmallows to simultaneously satisfy munchies, or rehydrate with a pot of Kikoko’s Sensuali-tea. At that point, whether to continue or get the eff out of your partner’s house is entirely up to you. Either way, keep letting your freak flag fly.
Photo credit: Jon Putek and Jenna Mohn